Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
