good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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