to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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