Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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