Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
