That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
