i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
