I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
