I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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