he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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