I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
