Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Drunk is a universal language darling
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
