note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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