She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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