Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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