Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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