I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
