Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
