Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Farmville is her only friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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