Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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