you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
