my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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