thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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