They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
