those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
