i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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