That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
