I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
