Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
