I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
