omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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