omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
