Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
