dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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