my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
