Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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