I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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