The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
