so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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