Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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