i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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