birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
