youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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