drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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