it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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