you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
