so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
