just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
