Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize