I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
