In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
