I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
where am i from again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
