Jerry, you need to find god
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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