i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
