i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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