I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
