i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
