Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
