You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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