You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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