Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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