direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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