I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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