U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
