I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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