I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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