i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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