ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sext me about skeletons
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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