yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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