im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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