Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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