I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
